Wi-fi hijinks and GAD

I just have to post because I'm coming to you via my neighbor's wireless network. Not sure which neighbor, and I doubt they know I'm ripping off of them, but who cares? Victory is mine! Bwahahaha!!!

I'm enjoying my morning coffee and computer time on the back patio here, it doesn't get a whole lot better.

One day less till I go to Fredonia. I feel like I'm being exiled or something. I suspect it'll get better once I'm there, but my life has become well-centered in Rochester and I have little desire to leave. And head out into the sticks. Even if it is for goddamn school. So I'm determined to finish in no more than two years, plus a student teaching semester somewhere here in the area.

I'm still pretty keyed-up, which is becoming uncomfortable and tiresome. I'm checking out anxiety websites for information and the like... I'm not letting it control my life anymore. That said, I still probably could benefit from some professional assistance in finding ways to cope. Heidi kindly gave me some Kava Kava, which I've been forgetting to take for the last couple days. It's an herb that's supposed to help you feel calm. I can't tell if it's working yet... I'm going through a phase of fairly high anxiety, so it's got alot to work against. I'm definitely not quite my usual self. To help highlight my situation, here is a brief description from the government's National Institute of Mental Health:

"Generalized anxiety disorder (GAD) is much more than the normal anxiety people experience day to day. It's chronic and fills one's day with exaggerated worry and tension, even though there is little or nothing to provoke it. Having this disorder means always anticipating disaster, often worrying excessively about health, money, family, or work. Sometimes, though, the source of the worry is hard to pinpoint. Simply the thought of getting through the day provokes anxiety.

People with GAD can't seem to shake their concerns, even though they usually realize that their anxiety is more intense than the situation warrants. Their worries are accompanied by physical symptoms, especially fatigue, headaches, muscle tension, muscle aches, difficulty swallowing, trembling, twitching, irritability, sweating, and hot flashes. People with GAD may feel lightheaded or out of breath. They also may feel nauseated or have to go to the bathroom frequently.

Individuals with GAD seem unable to relax, and they may startle more easily than other people. They tend to have difficulty concentrating, too. Often, they have trouble falling or staying asleep."

I was diagnosed several years ago with an axiety disorder and put on Prozac, which I didn't at all agree with, and so stopped taking it. I was younger and much more impatient, and I didn't like how it made me feel like a zombie. But you can imagine how not-fun it would be to spend days and weeks feeling as described above, so I've got to do something about it. And preferably before school starts. I just realized I was rambling about this yesterday. Anyway. It's getting towards that time where I have to make my phone calls, eat my lunch & pack more of my shit.

So I'll catch ya'll on the flip side. Or something.

for christ's sake calm down, self!