My poor brain.

So much has been happening the last couple of weeks. I don't feel like writing a huge summary so maybe I'll touch on a couple of points.

I finally got off my ass and checked out the counseling center here, and with good results. I met with a great lady who is of the opinion that it's not anxiety that's the root of my problem, nor is it seasonal depression (although those both exist in a way), but the ole' ADHD. I hadn't even thought about it for years, since my counselor back in Rochester suggested it. So her idea is for me to see a shrink who comes to campus once a week in order to get re-diagnosed (I was diagnosed with ADHD in the late 80's, around 8th grade), so I can obtain a disability status and get some academic breathing room.

Enter the shrink. He's an AA proponent and is sober, and was alarmed by the volume of alcohol I admitted to ingesting regularly. So he hinted at our brief meeting last week that I should think about AA, which nearly shocked me. Me, an alcoholic? I've been wrestling with this for a week now. Do I just cut back? Do I go cold turkey? If so, do I stop temporarily or permanently? It seems that each day I come up with a new answer for these questions. I'm meeting with the shrink today, so he can evaluate me for ADHD and make his AA pitch, which I will strongly consider. Perhaps my beer-drinking days are over. And I do love good beer, so it's a shame that I may have ruined it for myself. He's also given me samples of Strattera, a new non-stimulant adult ADD medication, and it's got my poor brain pretty confused as to what's being done to it.

Every D that I get on a simple interval test helps re-enforce my concern that I'm not really cut out for a profession in music. Last week, aside from the aforementioned D, I also scored a 51 on a modulation test in written theory. Not good signs, altogether. Also my studio teacher has suggested it may be writing on the wall, and he's supporting my efforts to think realistically, even if my conclusion is to bow out of music school. As he put it, I'm struggling with some rather basic problems (easy rhythms and reading). I believe I'll be looking into transferring back to Brockport for Information Systems, since I do love to play around with computers. And IT people like network admins make a pretty comfy living. And I'd still have plenty of opportunity to keep going with music on a personal level, which I'm sure I'd do. I have a love for music, and quite the collection of instruments. And a few years of advanced music training. At the very least I'd have no troubles becoming a local session bassist or community band/orchestra trombonist.

So, there's loads going through my mind right now. My favorite thoughts are of going home this weekend for birthday celebrations and spending time with Heidi, who is undoubtedly the most supportive person I can think of. Yay Heidi!

Wow, guess that was a long summary after all. What a goddamn blabber-mouth I am!

addendum... And another thing... my iBook shit the bed... again. I took it into the Apple Store in the Walden Galleria Mall, and the tech there (at the so-called "Genius Bar") couldn't find any bootable systems (neither the hard drive nor the optical drive!) . His best educated guess was that the logic board has shit the bed. Thankfully it's still under warranty until the 21st... whew! It should be back with replaced parts by early next week. This happened just under the wire, which I'm thankful for. I hope these parts last awhile, since after the 21st, it'll cost me some ducats to get it fixed...