No friend of Bill

Since Monday I've been on an indeterminate hiatus (possibly permanent) from alcohol. It will be a time of introspection and research on chemical dependence, especially in the realm of cognitive science and behavior. Is it an incurable, hopeless disease, like the AA model? Or is it maladaptive behavior, rooted in the brain's base, which controls our primal urges to survive, eat, reproduce, and generally feel good and avoid feeling bad?

I attended a single AA meeting Tuesday night, and generally found it to be disconcerting, if not downright creepy. They gave me their venerated Big Book, Alcoholics Anonymous, which I read some of. It's a strange book to me, and the 12 Steps don't appeal to me at all. At the meeting, there was a guest speaker, who introduced herself in the manner we've all at least heard about, "Hi, I'm Mary, and I'm an alcoholic." She proceeded to describe her descent into chronic drunkenness, with details galore about her intoxicated escapades. Then, of course how the 12 Steps saved and enriched her life. After this, and a brief silence, the others in the room, dispersed in chairs, no more than one or two to a row, added remarks of their own. One poor woman seemed to be in dire straits, and having trouble coping with stresses, but I didn't detect much of a discussion to really help her. Just keep following the steps, it works. The man in front of me declined to say anything, and I was completely uncomfortable about the idea myself, so I just observed. At the end, all gathered in a circle, held hands, and recited The Lord's Prayer. Good thing this isn't a religious group. How can it appeal to practitioners of
any religion when prayers and lexicon specific to Christianity permeate the organization? (for a more blatantly critical point of view, check out this website, which is one of many that contends that AA is nothing but a religious cult, started by a mentally ill narcissist.)

I won't discount AA's effectiveness with those who have severe dependency issues, as I suppose being addicted to meetings is better than being drunk. But I suspect there are more rational solutions to be yet had... unfortunately, AA's theory and methods have become accepted as the standard, and in many circles, the only method that really works.

What they really don't deal with is getting people to stop drinking. Their doctrine is that alcoholics are sick, diseased people, and they can't control themselves in any aspect. Once you acknowledge this, you turn over your willpower and all other aspects of your life to God (with the qualification "as we understand Him" in passing, so as not to scare agnostics or atheists off before they're too wrapped up in it). Then you start making a thorough catalog of your character flaws (which drunkenness isn't on of, apparently), confess them all to your sponsor, and sit back to let God tell you what to do with your life. If you get bombed again, it's called a "slip," or a "relapse," but it's not your fault, since it's an illness, like allergies. Just go to meetings, preferably every night if you can swing it, and keep asking God for guidance.

After reading this non-sense (and additional information about the founder, Bill Wilson, who was nuts), I concluded quickly that AA wasn't for me, and was probably far from the best solution for any alcoholic. If it's even effective (which is hard to tabulate, since it's supposed to be anonymous) it's only because it's the most popular game in town. I have a different method, which has been working like a charm for five days now:
1. realize that you control your limbs;
2. don't grab a bottle or glass and raise it to your mouth.

There, that was easy! I know that sounded glib, but if it's not too tough for me, I'm probably not all that addicted. I realize there are those out there who can't stop themselves, and I don't wish to be offensive to them. From my experience, the problem happens sometime after that first drink. Once I have a few beers, the alcohol sets in and does it's effective judgment-impairing routine, and I stop thinking about responsibility and common sense. The trick for me is to not have that first beer. Sure, I'm getting urges, especially after a long day at school and it's almost 90° out... who wouldn't want a nice, cold beer? But it's actually not that difficult at all to say "no."

One good alternative theory to the disease model is the aforementioned behavior model. Your base brain (the basal ganglia, if my brief, initial research is correct) controls basic survival instincts and fight-or-flight drives, and is remarkably similar to a reptile's. The second layer of brain (with the hypothalamus) controls mood, memory and hormones, and is similar to cats, dogs, and other distant mammals. Together they scream "I need, I need," and "I want, I want," with no further analysis. I'm reminded all too much of Heidi's lovely dog, Harley, who (like any dog) will do whatever she can to get attention, a walk, play, and food (especially food, and especially especially people food!). If given the opportunity, she'll walk until she drops and eat until she barfs. Then eat again as soon as she can. This part of the brain, in a nutshell, is where I suspect alcohol abuse begins. Without addressing the issue of chemical dependency, which is contentious, and something we don't have the whole story on yet, it's probable that the roots of alcoholism lie in our primitive inner brain, which hungers for food, fucking and feeling good. It somehow dodges or dupes the cortex (or complex outer brain, which sets us apart from other animals and houses our capacity for reason and analysis), and gets what it wants. Irresponsibility? Disease? The jury's still out, but I'm finding it's not too hard to resist drinking when I put my mind (at least the cortex part) to it.

In addition to this are my drinking patterns. I'm going to evaluate my attitudes and associations with alcohol, which have clearly become pretty unhealthy in the last several years. Why do I drink? When do I drink? Who do I drink with, and where? All of these things are factors I need to ruminate upon, so I can fully understand my abusive drinking patterns.
Do I suffer from a sickness whose only cure is permanent abstinence? Or is it possible to examine my behavior patters and use some self-applied CBT (Cognitive-Behavioral Therapy) to retrain my brain to see beer differently, and thereby eventually drink like a normal person?

Not to mention how the American culture glorifies alcohol abuse, and encourages it through entertainment and advertising. It's no wonder so many people fit the descriptions of alcoholics and heavy drinkers... just look at any local entertainment district (like the ol' East End here in Rochester) and check out how people of all ages behave and conduct themselves when it comes to their alcohol intake. We're a nation of fucking alcoholics.

This whole situation is helping me to evolve, and each day I abstain I feel stronger and more in control of my will and my life. I refuse to be powerless over alcohol. I control my actions, and it's up to me when I drink and when I don't. With that realization of discipline and self-control may come a boost in those qualities in me as far as other aspects go.

It really is empowering to control something much of society has determined is uncontrollable.