Dropping in for a li'l visit

Man, it's been awhile. I can't get myself to do much of anything, let alone write in the blog. But here's a little bonus for those of you who still pop in once in awhile. Yeah, I still write in this thing if the mood strikes me. Lately, I've definitely been stricken by moods. I'm in the throes of my almost yearly late-winter blues. My mood goes right down the toilet this time of year more often than not, and I've lost more jobs, alienated more friends, fucked up more relationships, and flunked more classes than I care to count during these little down times.

I can't really say the "depression" word, as I haven't been diagnosed as such, but I can definitely say that about the only thing I actually care to do is sleep. I'm pleased I've been making it out of bed & to school on time... this is a definitive improvement on the past.

This time, however, I must get a handle on it, as if it keeps up, I'll bomb one or more of my classes & that'll really do me in, academically. My financial aid will be permanantly yanked from MCC if this happens, so it's time I dealt with it somehow. The problem is I don't really know how. It's not as if I can say "well this is just no good, I have to cheer up." Doesn't really work like that, as being down in the dumps isn't a mood I'd generally choose to be in to begin with. I should go & see someone for this, and get some medication for myself if needed, but that'd require some kind of insurance, I suppose. So I'm back to not knowing what to do about this.

We shall see how it goes. One bright spot is of course Tatiana, who's been an absolute gem about this, putting up with my dour, sullen moods & trying to keep my moods up. The fact that she's not phased by this and is sticking by me as if she wouldn't even consider another option is something totally different for me, and quite wonderful. Sorry to get all sappy, but I have to take my happiness & pleasure where I can.

No time to describe things these days, except busy & exhausting. School is totally dominating my life, which I don't mind. Work occasionally happens, and the band-mates are making a push to squeeze more dedication & time out of me, which may not work so well. Lots of stuff going on & I'd rather address most of it in a normal, non-depressive state of mind, but life waits for no-one.

I hope all of you are doing better than me... but I'm sure things will shape up soon! I just have to try & remember that there's no good reason for me to be down (which I already know), and in fact, I have a ton of stuff going for me these days. Now if only that knowledge could impact my mood a little more...

And a happy Valentine's Day to all of you as well!